revelation in my revolution

God - the Alpha and Omega

2006-01-15T05:06:00.000-08:00

As humans we cannot help but feel like molecules in a vast entirety of the Universe, naturally the idea of having the God of the milky way and everything else in between it would seem foreign to us. who then is God to us, What is his real role to us ? Is he a defination to us, or does he define us. these are the questions that we have to ask ourselves before we try to figure out our destineys, without working out His true meaning to us, one cannot help but realise we are further away from our destination as we hope and imagined we were. this past week allowed me to reflect this, in retrospect i have come to realise that i have lost my identity due to the fact that i have not identified who my God is to me.

As i walk in my many journeys everyday i realise i meet people that have been placed in my life for important reasons, but i was caught up in the reality of myself to think of God and his purpose.

i have a struggle, i struggle with Lust. i have come to reveal this, for the first time publicly as it is a step closer to true freedom. Now i use lust in its general term so you can imagine!!!! but getting back to blogging. i have always fallen and it became second nature to me as i tried to get back on the right track with God regarding this, i have not move an inch forward. thus far i have only seen god as my GREAT JUDGE. the one who is going to judge me, the one who is going to punish me. although he is the great Judge, i have failed to remeber that he is also the restoring element in my life and the changing catalyst in my life. submition is all he asks, and total submition is the ONLY way!!! so here i am likened to king David who also suffered from Lust, but you see therein lies the Choice, will submit like King David? or will i dwell in ignorant arrogance? David knew the Character of God he knew that god would set him whole if he submit to him, he saw God not as how i see him but he saw God as him redeeming grace and his defination! God Defined David, not the Other way ! till we know who God is to us and his importance to us and ours to him only then can we really become true worshippers! Now is the time to shine ( no compromise) we cannot regain our full purpose without our identity, if you dont even know who your creater is , how would you know your privileges you have and your freedom to be yourself?

life is a serious thing! you may mock me, or even term me as "holy". but i stand on the SOLID rock and i then become that solid rock! dont stand on sinking sand and think all is fine and dandy!!!
we are spiritual beings drwn to things of the spirit and greatness, darkness blankets teh truth if you allow it to do so. dont take grace for granted!!!! but realsie that even as you fall, you can stand up and realise you are okay ( although a little bruised) but stonger - IF YOU CHOSE

CHIOCE then becomes our key to identity.
i know i will be redeemed and i know i will have a break through, because all this time, since the day i was born, i have never known a time like this. I DONT WANT TO let MY ABBA down. he is worth more than all this hullaballu!

TWenty going on DESTINEY!!!!

2006-01-06T05:38:00.000-08:00

So i'm 2 decades old (yay!!) who knew time would fly so fast, i neighter crashed nor burned alog the way so cheers to life thus far and foevermore!!!

In retrospect, 20 years seemed to have been a blink of an eye, but i have learnt many valuabe lessons in this short span of time and formed realationships that last a lifetime. altogether i do not regret my life and i THANK Jesus fo being there for me all this time. so now i have my whole life ahead of me, in twenty years time am i going to be married, making my third or forth billion? or living the singaporean dream? ONly God would know what would be in stalled for me. for now, i going to the army afterwhich i would be persuing higher education at NUS or GUL. i have an idea of who and what i would want to be, but there is potential to be even greater!!!

yesterday my buddy JOCK aka Johnathan left for the army, well i took this time to meet him up and spend some quality time with him.

there i was in the seranggon gardens waiting for Johnnathan who promised to be on time, but as usual reality beckons. as we met, i relised that jon was not his usual perky self, today he was armed with an unbrella and limping rather clumpsly on the well planed streets of the affluent neighbourhood, adorning a red shirt and brown berms jon was - by appereance- seemed okay. at first galnce i registered the letargy o be one due to the two continuous nights of clubbing and drinking he subjected himself to. however, as the night progressed i realsied he was preoccupied with thoughts of the NS and how little time he had before he had to go into the army. for the first time i could sense fear that seemed to pnetrate the environment he was in. as we sat down at "ice cube" a little dessert joint which had a zen interior, we began talking like we always do bout the fairer sex and the our plans. but whn he spoke of the girl he was in love with, i realsied that he nearly had tears foolding in his eyes. of couse being his friend and all i knew him to be a romantic, but i did not realsie his deep passion for this girl till he said he was a fraid of losing her. what could i say? what could i possibly say to this guy whom i knew to be as close as a brother, could i say that it would be all right? that if she was fated for him it would happen? how sure was i? i was at a lost. it was last night that he made me relise that i was more than what i have always potryed myself to be, in fact it was due to him that i became more bold and macho, you see he is like a brother i never had, he brought the good the bad and the ugly out of me. it was last night that he mad me realsie that i dont have to prove anything to anyone but to myself.
i could sense the pessimism that flood out from him, i could sense his insecurity, but as a friend all i could do was to cheer him on. i felt so useless, here i am, not being a good help to the person whom i have grown to be so close to! what kind of guy am i ????

but as jon sad he would not mind taking up smoking as a social feature, i was shocked beyond words. i could not just let my friend kill himself like that, even if it was my least fav. friend like rasul, i would still try to persuade hime to change that mindset! but in the end it is his choice, i would do everything in my powre to stop him and prevent hime from doing that but if he really wants to do it then its really up to him. i know what smoking can do, my mother is suffering the consequence of being a passive smoker, there is no such thing as a social smoker. i pray that jon would know what is good for him.

well with this all i can say now is that with jon in the army and joel serving aswell, i have the lost the company of two really close buds in my life for the next two years! we can now only meet up once every month or if we are lucky maybe our slave drivers would alllow us to meet up more. who knows? well i jst hope all things work out well for the both of them. i will keep them in prayer.

well i'm enlisting in march !!! its a bitter sweet revelation!!!

11th hour prayer

2006-01-01T00:02:00.001-08:00

we often understate the power of prayer that is quinessential to the lfestyle of any christian being, we place it during our moment of conveniance and rely on it when we realy want something, ever so often we murmur "sweet nothings" to fullfill a religious duty. But God is not a duty, it was not his duty to save us, neither was it his duty to listen to us, it was only love that motivated him, it was only passion that allowed him to do what he did. What is our passion? worldly instruments of pleasure??? what is the use of gaining the whole world and losing your self in the in the process? prayer is our Love language that is a physcial establishment of our love for him, it is effective communication, and it is REal present visitation of God in our lives!

i had the pleasure to sit in a bible study by my dearest brother terence, on new years day in the airport. the title of his BS was teh prayer of the 11th hour, the truth of prayer became a revelation that blew my mind away. the sheer reality o prayer and God in our lives dawned pon me at that moment.

i'm not going to write the details of the BS in here! But if you are really interested , and want to know the true reality of prayer, pleas feel free to dicuss with me the things i have learnt true that eperience at 4.00am jan 1st 2006. truely you will not be short changed!!!!

yay! see you real soon!!!!

friendship

2005-12-30T21:11:00.000-08:00

Relationships are part and puzzel to life. no revolution is complete without its usual "mobs" that inspire and prople the revoultion forward. I had the Excellent opportunity to do a tinkel.com text a couple of days ago, it was to find out what "colour" best decribes my personality, it turns out that i'm a "green". No i'm not easily jealous, but it states that being a grean fellow, i'm a devoted fried and a down to earth person, well to tell the truth I Am !!!! haha so much for being down to earth, but really, i guess i'm a really devoted friend. but the problem devoted is that i'm usually mis understood. i guess its a opportunty cost of being a friend.

so as we have all known by now, joel and shirin are like seperate now, whilst joel is extremely crush with the outcome of failure of what could have been the match made in heaven for him, shirin ahs already moved on and getting on with life. well , actually joel is also. but thats besides the point, the fact that i was caught in the middel of all this really left me no escape. on one hand i had my best bud, whom i'm proud and blessed to have known to console and on the other hand i had shirin my reality tv buddy whom i can really talk to. the truth of the matter is that i want both of them to be happy and really get on with their life, i try to help joel get through this patch in hs life through talking to him. but the more i talk to him i guess the more contempt he grows toward me. the other day when we were out he looke into my face and said " everytime i see you, naresh, you remind of the failed realtionship- just by looking at you!" i was taken aback, shocked and disapointed that my friend whom i cherish and enjoy being with sees me in that light and that i was the source of his greive and I could not have been a worser friend. It is one thing to have a passer by tell you that, it is atotally different reality when your "mentor' and the person you cherish tell you that point blank. was i such a terrible freind, or did familarity breed contempt?? i was perplexed, confused and very saddened.

but then i realised that all this could have been avoided if i had not tried to go the EXTRA mile to press into his life, no, i'm not saying its bad. i just think i could have given him more space. i think he really needed that, instead of reminding him of how painful the experience was.

from all this i have learnt that being a friend we must be there for our friends, but at the same time let them live their own lives, i guess i was rather implusive and did not give much thought to what i did. i think as friends we can all learn to manage our expectation of others and realise their trashholds. be ther for the person, but at the same time look beyond the problem, know when to talk what to talk. the revelation of this is paramount to our understanding of being a good friend!!!

Cheers !!!! happy New Year Guys!!!!!

my life thus far

2005-12-25T23:58:00.000-08:00

yes it has been a long time since i wrote here, well i guess i finally found the need to. most people think this blogging stuff is "attention seeking" to me it is rather an avenue to express who i really am and to share my thought on world happenings.

so school's finally over and the realiy of it just set in a couple of days ago. as much as i would like it to last the days of formal education has finally ended- Mixed feelings. but i was great while it lasted. now i'm working part time and awaiting to SERVE the nation, should i say, i'm actually awaiting to be its minion. But nonethe less a new chapter is about to start, and i cant wait for it !
serious! Most people think i cant play sports nor indluge in the "active" side of life, but you see i dont live in their perception of me. maybe a couple of my friends may realise that i really am very active. but till that day i shall in secret! the paradox!!!!

well you will be hearing from soon!!! you can count on that!!!!

2005-10-09T18:15:00.000-07:00

yes! i tried adding this pic like four times!!! yay!

2005-10-09T03:17:00.000-07:00

its i'm more than a conqueror in christ!!!!!

2005-10-09T02:53:00.000-07:00

well its christ ,not wateva i wrote.... i got FAT fingers ... sue me then !!!!

well i got o know garreth who is doing MED in NUS, he is sucha great guy. i realised thatwe both share many things in common , except the part where he travels to amlost every country on earth and i dont, and he has FOUR distinctions and i dont!
the fact is all my friends, are intelligent , good looking (except RASUL) hahaha ( no i;m serious), and they are all round colios....
and i'm NOT! wahhaaaa...
anyhows, garreth is a cool and sincere individual who well is like me a person who wants to get out and "sex" up the world... ( okay sex here is not referred to intercourse rather its and expresion... so pls dont get all logical with me!) well i hope to get to know him better as a friend and well just hang out! till then chatting is the way to go!!!

okay, so CG was like so awesome as always !!! terrence is BACK!!!!!!! yay!!!!!! missed him loads man!, din expect that my KINDERGARDEN classmate would be my good friend now ... its like how cool lah!!!!

so i may go for GRAD NITE this year,heard the teachers were dancing and doing dikir barat for us well thats a SHOW ! off course my dear fren rasul is gonna be dressing her (oops sorry his) best that night, i just hope he does not sing ! pls i really do..

A levels OMGNESS

2005-10-09T02:47:00.000-07:00

aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
THE A LEVELS ARE COMING haiz
well i'm mugging the best i know how, cos i know i'm more than a conqueror in chrits who by the way strenghtens me lah!!!!
well i got BBE!!!! in my prelims , i hate it! i hate so much! i pray that i shall be the HEAD and NOT the tail.
well till then i shall walk by faith!!!!! amen

2005-07-01T07:39:00.000-07:00

if it is one thing that has perplexed me and ammused me more than anythig is getting to know these people, i mean i hated them in yr 1. i always tried talking to them but they treated me like shit, "time heals wounds" they say. well the first thing we should do is kill the fella that came upo with that freaking line. its hard to know that the people who hated you, dipised you and ignored your existence actually became my close friends. have i lost it already. sucked into the world of hypocrisy, or have i really allowed myself to explore the possibilities of true friendship? only time will tell then ... a paradox... ha ha
but seriously
i would still wanna have contact with these people
because in a warped and sick way i have grown to enjoy their company
enjoy their idoisyncrisis( spelling wrong!!!)

2005-07-01T07:34:00.000-07:00

a class discussion... actually i guess the hypocrisy is realli sickening .. well it my blog so ... i would like to send my heartiest death wishes to HUI HUA, JONNATHAN, HYDAYU, FAREZA, ALIF, and ZUL-fart-LI

the begining

2005-07-01T07:22:00.000-07:00

the begining of the ordeal i call life

i'm the partical that like a dot faceless

nameless

speechless

so i came i'am

solace

i left her behind

for a pain

for a love

and for the search of endlessness

complicated?

well, aren't we all

the oblivion of life seems to have its grips upon all of us

old and young

young and old

i want to lose that virgin

that FAT virgin

i nest inside

crawling

swimming

diving

are you a fat virgin?

i'm not

i'm obese

thus i'm the whore of life

i want to flirt with this pain

flirt with it's sex

tell me

why have you torn my tree APART?